Monday, May 2, 2011


Bee, in my arms, idly playing with the neckline of my sweater.  His head is lagging towards my shoulder, ready for a nap.

"Caywin, do you have a baby?"
"No, sweets, I don't."
"Why not?"
"Bee, if I had a baby, would I be here taking care of you boys all the time, or would I be home taking care of my baby?"
"Home taking care of your baby."
"That's right.  Having a baby is a someday dream of mine.  Someday I'll have one."
"Is it in your belly?!"
"No, silly, not yet.  Someday is a long way off.  For now, I have you boys.  And that's more than enough for me."

And so it goes.
There are days, often, when I wonder how it is possible for me to love so much.
How can one heart grow, over and over, after breaking again and again, only to love again?
How can I love so recklessly and with such abandon, knowing that it is this love that will break me again?
I don't know the answer.
All I know is that I wouldn't want it any other way.


Dori said...

You have some amazing encounters with these children - and some wonderful, beautiful, poetic thoughts and feelings that flow from your interactions with them. I truly enjoy reading about your life, your thoughts...please keep it up!

Cait said...

Dori, thank you. Your kind words made me smile so big. I love these boys, and I love sharing my moments with them. And it makes me so happy to hear that people read and enjoy them.