Dear Punkin,
Tonight, someone else is putting you to bed. Actually, I hope you've been in bed now for at least three hours, but who knows. As I laid you down for your morning nap today, knowing it was the last time I'd feel your sweet, solid, sleepy weight in my arms, my tears splashing down on your face didn't wake you. As we read books for the last time this afternoon, I tried to memorize the exact way you like to turn the page and the way you say "buh" for book, all the while looking at me for confirmation that I know you mean "book." When your grandparents arrived to take you for the week, I didn't take it personally that you were too excited to show them your toys than to cuddle one last time with me. I kissed you, over and over, in that sweet spot where your cheek meets your neck, making you giggle and squirm, and I whispered, fiercely, over and over in your ear, that I loved you, always, forever, no matter what, and that I will never forget you. And then I gently sat you down, watched you crawl away, knowing that you would never cling to me because you have never doubted that I'd be there. And now, I will be failing you for the first time. I won't be there tomorrow when you wake up. Or the day after that. But oh, sweetheart, if only you knew how much I love you. How much I will always love you and how I will never, in a million years, forget you. There will be other babies, there will someday be my own babies, but there will never be another you. Tonight, I'll be singing our lullaby in my head. Sweet dreams, baby boy. Sweet dreams.
Love,
Caitlin
Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)
Dragon tales and the "water is wide"
Pirate's sail and lost boys fly
Fish bite moonbeams every night
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels' wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
The rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, will find the mouse
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels' wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
God bless mommy and match box cars
God bless dad and thanks for the stars
God hears "Amen," wherever we are
And I love you
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings
Godspeed
Godspeed
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
2 comments:
Oh Caitlin, I hope it gets easier for you. Leaving kids behind is never easy; there are students I wonder about all the time. Look forward to what's to come.
Saying goodbye to children-- so intense. This is a beautiful rendition of such a sweet, sad moment. Keep singing the lullaby.
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