Gay Parents

Someday, Alix and I will be them. We will be that same-sex couple - God willing, not the only one that everyone knows - who have a few kids in the local school and do things like bring vegan brownies to bake sales and nurse their infants in public. We'll probably even own a jogging stroller, wear our babies in slings, use cloth diapers and positive reinforcement and have strict rules about TV watching and homework. Maybe you approve of these things, maybe you don't, but regardless, they're going to happen. And it bothers me to no end that our parenting styles will be noticed, appraised, and judged more than others' simply because we are a same-sex couple.

Long before I knew that I was not entirely straight, when I imagined myself as a mother, it was almost always as a single parent (perhaps this should have indicated to me at the time that I didn't feel a strong connection to the idea of spending a lifetime with a man). But the fact remains that even this choice, had I made it, would have been far more socially acceptable and tolerated than the family that Alix and I will create over the next few years. Even - perhaps especially - the process of creating a family will for us be far more complicated than the average couple. Most people who decide to have children at some point use the "Well we're not not trying anymore..." approach and then wait to see "what happens." Inevitably (if they're blessed), two pink lines show up on a stick and their lives are changed forever. For us, it will involve processes I don't even understand yet, but I think will go something like this: find eligible sperm donor through reputable agency, acquire enough sperm for multiple children, buy sperm, have inserted into uterus in gynecological office (how romantic!) and then wait and hope for the two pink lines.

Whatever the end results, I can only hope that our kids turn out to be anything like this young man. He is a credit to his mothers.