A Meal of Oats

So I actually feel pretty embarrassed for even calling this oatmeal recipe a "recipe."  I can sum it up for you in three words: four to one.  That's the ratio of milk to oats.  That's it!  But here's the long version...

If you either A) like oatmeal so much that you eat it multiple times a day (who, me?), or B) have a whole mess of kids (or not-kids) to feed, make a BIG pot, because this stuff goes quick.  Here's the big recipe:

Put a big soup pot on the stove over the lowest heat setting.  Pour in a gallon of milk.  If you're using cow milk, go for at least 2% or whole.  Don't go all freaky on me about calories (seriously, hi, I have an eating disorder).  Trust me, it's worth it.  You can also use soy milk or almond milk, but please don't just use water.  That's just wrong.  And insulting to the oatmeal gods.  Then add four cups of quick oats - NOT whole oats.  Stir.  Cover.  Cook, stirring every eight-ish minutes until it's thickened, but is still very soupy.  This oatmeal thickens quite a bit as it cools and if you cook it to your desired consistency, it will cool into a gelatinous, gloppy mess.  It will probably take at least forty-five minutes to cook down, but if you turn the heat up at all, you will get yucky burned brown bits on the bottom so just be patient, alright?  Watch some tv, read a book, don't forget to stir it.  Once it's like a thick soup, turn the heat off and prop the lid on the pot while you let it cool.  You're doing it right if you wind up with creamy, slightly runny (NOT gloppy), smooth deliciousness.  Once it's cool, pour in about six or seven tablespoons of maple syrup just to sweeten it a touch.  That way, people can individually sweeten their own bowls later (preferably with more maple syrup, but you could also use sugar or honey or agave nectar).  Store in airtight containers in the fridge and OMNOMNOM you have now made massive amounts of scrumptious oatmeal!

Yummy additions:
peanut butter (or any nut butter)
raisins (or any dried fruit)
frozen blueberries (or any frozen berries)
more maple syrup (or honey, brown sugar, agave nectar, etc)

If you don't like this oatmeal, we can't be friends.  Oh, and this recipe is completely Cricket approved, so if you find a kid who doesn't like it, I'd like to meet him or her and have a serious discussion about the superiority of this oatmeal to anything that comes in a packet.

This is how much a half gallon of milk will make - two big mason jars.