One day, someone who had something against me did something to Alix. It was rude. It was uncalled for. It was degrading, immature, and embarrassing. It was also, depending on how you look at it, maybe not that big of a deal. To me, it was. And I make no apologies for that. It was an act of meanness against someone I love and it pissed me off. I didn't let it go. I found the person who did it, I raised a stink, and you can bet your sweet ass that I made an enemy out of it. You know what? Good for me. I stood up for my girl. And I'd rather have that to say for myself than be able to claim that I've walked through life without making any enemies. I have a spitfire personality, I often speak without thinking, I jump, guns blazing, to defend those that I love, and the following words probably wouldn't spring to mind to describe me: Zen-like, easy-going, or anything that involves the metaphor of things rolling off of ducks' backs. But you know what I am? Loyal. Loving. Compassionate. Empathetic. Hard-working. The picture I paint isn't always pretty. But it's nothing if not authentic. I'm not perfect, not by a long shot. But I'd rather stand for something than fall for anything.
By the way, that quote is by Winston Churchill. Cool guy. Not a clue where the idea for this post came from, but yeah, here it is. Off I go, guns blazing, into my test tomorrow. But first! To sleep!
5 comments:
rock out on your test tomorrow, lady! you'll be awesome.
Interesting to me that you describe yourself as loving, compassionate, and empathetic when you seem to harbor some hatred for someone over something you admit was not that big of a deal. Consider that hate takes energy, a lot more energy than letting things go. And the quote refers to those who consider YOU an enemy, a small but important distinction. Just some food for thought.
good luck on your exam!
Thanks Sarah! So glad it's over.
Anon - thank you for your thoughtful comment. I think that what I harbor for this person is actually more along the lines of disappointment, certainly not hatred (and if it came off that way, that was definitely not what I intended). I'm not sure if this person would consider (ever did consider?) me an enemy, but I hope that her reasons for doing what she did are long behind her, as they similarly are for me. It might seem, considering I wrote this post last night, that I *do* still harbor resentment for her, but honestly, I don't think I do. I think that in missing Alix so much, I just also miss that moment of standing up for her. Hope that makes sense. Again, thank you :-)
Can't wait to hear how you killed it on your GRE!
anon here again - Cait your explanation about missing Alix and that moment of standing up for her definitely makes sense. If you do harbor resentment, I would challenge you to consider why this person may have disappointed you - did you have unrealistic expectations for her? did she have other challenges in her life that led her to let you down?
Sorry to seemingly harp on this - I once cut ties with someone over something very stupid, and once I made amends I was much happier - the resentment I held onto truly had been weighing me down. Since then I always check myself about anger/resentment, and at least offer another perspective when I can for others.
Cheers.
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