Wednesday, May 8, 2013

It's Something in the Water Here...

My friend dropped her five-month-old off into my bleary arms at 8 AM this morning.  It's her first day of work at her new (grown up RN!) job and I never pass up a chance to snuggle her little man.  A couple hours later, the boy called me to say he was leaving for work if I wanted to come outside for a hug (the benefits of living on the same street abound).  As we were standing on my front stoop, and the dog was wondering what exactly this small squishy creature was that I was holding instead of petting him, my mouth said this:

"Sprocket, be nice to the baby.  You're going to have to get used to them, you know."

And my brain did this:


He (the boy, not the dog) was unfazed.  He knows I want kids.  We have had this conversation before, he and I.  I honestly don't even think he noticed.  We chatted about how Sprocket had most likely never seen a baby before, and I asked him about when he'd be back tonight, he smiled at the baby and kissed me goodbye and it was totally fine except for in my brain.

Here's the thing: I am acutely aware of the intensity with which I often want children, and I do an excellent job 99% of the time of ignoring it.  But sometimes I forget to ignore it, like now, when I am finishing up my pediatrics rotation and heading into maternal-newborn, and babysitting for the cutest baby ever is not helping things.  It also doesn't help things to see classmates and friends of mine with little ones, because my brain is all like, "See?  If they can do it, so can you!"  And then I tell my brain something that I have to repeat a lot, which is, "Just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you SHOULD."

It's not like I'm feeling the pressure of my biological clock, or worried that there will never be another right time in my life to have kids.  It's honestly as simple as, I want a baby.  And I'm so much healthier now, and it makes me feel so good about how much better equipped I am to be a mom because of that, and hey, bonus!  I met someone I want to have kids with and shack up with and shout at from across the dinner table when we're old and grey.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to keep the baby fever comments to myself, lest I scare away the other half of this future equation.



"It's honestly as simple as, I want a baby."

I think saying this to/around your guy-person is fine. And awesome. But I'm very partial to being open about goals in relationships.

Whenever it happens, you'll be a great mama.

Allison the Meep said...

Babies are magical and intoxicating. I keep thinking I want MOAR BAYBEEEEES even though I know I'm done having them. Their fever magic is strong.

Kate said...

Speaking from a week and a day past due with the giant feet and the needing my husband to haul me off the couch every time I want to get up and the constant panic of "oh please let there be a bathroom someplace on our walk!" the getting there isn't all that fun. Worth it, but not all that fun. Oh and they don't tell you, but even your maternity shirts stop covering the bump for the last month. Thank goodness for maxi dresses!

Anonymous said...

Your guy? Your guy who makes you s'mores in the kitchen? I think would be totally unfazed. He sounds like a great guy xx Lisa